Before The End

How did I go on so long not knowing how alone I was?

Here I am with no one.

No one by my side,

No one to shelter me & protect me,

No one to care if I do my homework,

No one to give me homework (there are plusses),

No one to make me smile,

And I’m thinking: who is there to miss? Who was there providing those things before?

My friends and my teachers.

No family, no one at all that I was the most important person for.

Not one person.

How did I not know?

Because my friends were my family and that was enough.

Only now it isn’t.

Nobody can save me from the Wicked Uncle Federico – he’ll have the law on his side.

Only I can help me now.

The Letter

I had all these genius ideas fantasies about where Mum had disappeared to. Mostly she was dead in them, tragically while trying to protect my honour in some way. But no: Here’s the earth shattering mean selfish unloving truth…

My darling Diego,

I’m so sorry I left you like that… I thought it would be better to sneak away. No tearful goodbyes. No questions. And Chell would keep looking after you as long as the pay lasted… I guess it’s run out by now. That’s why I’m writing. Just to let you know I’m OK. I’m happy. I couldn’t tell Darius about you, he thinks I have no children. I can’t lose another man. I need looking after. I hope you will understand one day…

I’m sorry,

Your mother

Can you imagine???? It’s a good thing I didn’t read it when she meant me to – that might’ve been the thing to tip me over the edge.

Of course that’s exactly how I'll do it… Leaving without a word to avoid the questions and the tearful goodbyes. Like mother like son. But that’s as far as the similarity goes.

Becoming Invisible

Hah! I thought things were spinny then! See note from Uncle: slipped under the door at about 9pm:

“Diegito,
Where are you? You were promised to me. If you are not here in the morning I will find you at school. You’re mine little one. GET USED TO IT. or there’ll be a price to pay.
Tio”

I WILL NOT GET USED TO IT!!!!!!
I won’t.
I won’t go.

Later still,
I’m going. Not there, not to the evil uncle. Just out there somewhere. Somewhere I can hide. And no one knows me.
I’ve packed my bag. Just one. Random stuff.
I should do a checklist and then re-pack. Daniel would. But what will I need?
I’ve got money, that’s cleverly stashed. I won’t say where cos that wouldn’t be so clever.
A torch – I’ve got the handsfree one I got for Christmas a couple of years back. I’ll buy batteries on my way and energy bars and water and maybe cigarettes for trading.
I‘ve been paying attention lately you see actually looking at the Invisibles. The people we normally try so hard not to see.
That’s what gave me the idea, that’s what I want to be – invisible – where better than in the heart of the capital city, on the streets?
Why have I started seeing them? Maybe it’s because I’ve already started to become one of them.
I’m fading away and I’m still here.

Next Day

School crap. Got into trouble in every lesson even English. Can’t think right…

Uncle Federico

My uncle – Federico is expecting me at his place. Chell arranged it before she left. I don’t know him. He lives at the other end of the country. School’s supposed to be paid until December but I’m supposed to leave, I have a letter to give them today. Then I’m supposed to leave school early to catch the bus. To the other end of the country. To the uncle I’ve never met. Did I mention Chell’s gone? And school’s paid til December.
I’ve got the letter.

Can't Talk

Can’t talk to Rey.
Dan & Angela keep asking what’s up.
Miss E keeps looking at me funny.
Lucky Chell’s hit didn’t leave any marks. Not so you’d notice anyway.
I’m glad she’s going anyway and her hitting me just made it a million times easier.
No more grown ups.
Just Me, Me and Me.
Funny how everything falls apart at the same time isn’t it?
Bloody hilarious.
I’m going to be free!
Free of nagging, slapping, weeping, shouting, being ignored (can’t be ignored by no one can you?)
Free of being fed and clothed and sheltered.

God and Why We Need One

I’ve worked out why they invented God – or the after-life at least.
It’s also why we’re all crazy these days – wild and defiant and reckless and stupid… because… well why not?
What’s the point in taking anything seriously if you’re going to die sometime anyway?
We’re all just killing time up to that point – right?